I'm in one of those moods where I really want to change the world.

Blake Mycowskie, the founder of TOMS came to Ball State to speak tonight -- The New Rules for Tomorrow's Business: A Student's Guide to Making a Difference in the World. I want his life.

His business strategy -- (1)giving and (2)incorporating something bigger than yourself. I think that's an exemplary strategy, whether it be for starting a business or in any aspect of life. After I went to DC this summer I had really big life plans. I wasn't quite sure of the details of them, but I knew they were going to be big and they were going to be important. When I started taking classes I started to think about how impractical those plans seemed - I want a family and feel obligated to stay in the country with my family. BUT! When is life ever practical? I don't think God takes into consideration practicality when he maps out your life for you.

I don't really know where my life is going, but I wholeheartedly believe I am on the path I need to be on. My major/minors are hopefully leading me to do great things. I really just want a job where I can help people -- where I can feel good about who I am and how I'm spending my life.

I love getting into these "I want to change the world" moods because it makes me really excited for the rest of my life.

Sentimental Heart

So my friends and I are doing this > www.radicalexperiment.org <>

Abraham was willing to sacrafice his own son because God asked him to. Think about the person you love the most in this world and imagine God asking you to kill that person. Could you do it? I don't think I could.

How much control do you really exert over your life?

I've been thinking a lot lately about what God wants for me and more so, if I want those things too. It's hard for me to decipher my wishes vs. God's. I had to spend hours last semester creating my four year plan -- it almost seems futile. I've always hated planning out things more than a year in advance because circumstances change so quickly. I don't want to make promises or plans that I can't keep. Lately, I've been abiding by a day by day philosophy more than anything. Even though I don't know what my life will look like even one month from now, I'm excited. For the first time ever, I'm excited for the unknown. This is me letting go.

Fix You

I went to Books a Million today and was looking for the book Crazy Love. The cutest little girl, about 6ish, ever was also in the religious section with her dad. She was begging her dad for a bible for her birthday, which is adorable. Her dad said something along the lines of no, we're getting you something better than that. That made me so so sad. I feel like I relate to that little girl in some odd way.

I'm on a journey to God right now. I'm ready to give him complete control and, essentially, put all my eggs in His basket. This has been quite the journey. Allow me to start from last Friday.

Ben and I were in my room talking like any normal Friday night and the conversation led to discussion of faith. I said that I hoped it wouldn't be an issue between us that he was more spiritual than I was because he was raised by strong Christian parents and I wasn't. I always considered my self to be Christian, but did little to prove it aside from praying and believing. He said that it was and he felt that God lead us together so he could lead me to God. Thus, we ended our relationship. And, consequently, I found God. The stipulations of the break up included us staying best friends, which I was really excited about because who better to help me in my search for God than the person who lead me to God?

That Sunday I went to church and the sermon spoke to me; I felt like it was written specifically for me. I talked to my good friend here Jacqueline and she really helped me a lot with my quest for the Lord's wisdom. I felt really good and was so excited to finally embrace my Christianity. However, Ben and I talked again on Tuesday and he said that in order for us to heal and grow we couldn't remain friends or keep any sort of communication. From that conversation on I've just felt so much worse. I feel alright whenever someone sends me an inspirational bible verse. I know that I need to concentrate on growing with God right now and not worry about our relationship one way or another, and that's what I'm trying to do. The hardest part for me is knowing how happy I was with him and understanding that's not right.

I trust God knows what's best for me. I trust this is for the best. It's just hard to accept that my best friend, for whatever reason, can't help me through this. I feel that I would feel so much better if he would just be my friend and accept that if God doesn't want us together our hearts will change instead of him indefinitely severing all communication between us.

I just have to keep telling myself this is what God wants. and He will make me stronger. This is for the best, even though I may not be able to see that and realize it now, I need to lean on God through this.

Isaiah 40:13

If you have any encouragement or wisdom, it would be so greatly appreciated.

FAITH

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